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6 Signs a Woman Wants to Be Approached by You
And one sign that she doesn’t.
After several awkward situations where I’d approached a dude only to be told he was in a relationship, I decided to take my friends’ advice to “let the guys come to me.”
For weeks, my friends got asked out or went twirling onto the dance floor while I waited by our table as the designated purse watcher.
While approaching guys hadn’t worked, neither was waiting for guys to come to me. I felt stuck and frustrated.
Later, a guy friend told me, “Men don’t know when to approach women. We see one and think she’s hot. We go try to hit on her and get rejected. But there could have been 20 other hot girls wanting us to go over to them and we’d have no idea. We’re clueless.”
If a woman is introverted, wanting the guy to make the first move, or not making the first move for some other reason, guys need to pay attention to the signs women throw out.
Women are actually really obvious, but if you aren’t paying attention to their body language, you’ll miss the signs altogether.
Know what I do when I meet a guy’s eyes I’m not interested in, but can sense he’s interested in me? I immediately look down and away and avoid looking in his general direction again.
In studies, men tend to overestimate a woman’s sexual interest. They actually project their own interest onto these women: “I’m interested, so she must be interested too.” Unfortunately, these women may feel the exact opposite.
Since men might take even a brief eye glance as a sign of interest, women often do all they can to not meet the eyes of men they aren’t interested in.
If a woman, in fact, meets your eye for 2–3 seconds and smiles, that’s gold.
3. She starts preening whenever you look at her.
Women are like birds. We primp and preen when we’re interested.
As an observer and a relationship coach, I’ve seen so many examples of this behavior out in the real world. Once you’re aware of it, you can’t unsee it. I’ve even been called out for doing it myself when I saw a hot guy looking at me and my friend asked, “Why do you keep messing with your earrings?”
Here is an example of this kind of behavior:
If you look over at a woman, she meets your eye, smiles, and starts messing with her hair, clothing, jewelry, etc., there’s a great chance she’s interested in being approached by you — and you alone.
4. She says things just to you or that seem directed at you.
Let’s say that you’re intently watching a football game on the bar’s TV. You hear a woman near you say something like, “The game is on?!? Thank God. What’s the score?” It could be that she’s asking you, or she could be talking about something you’re clearly interested in to get you to pay attention to her.
She may be hoping you’ll tell her the score or that you’ll say something like, “You like football? Are you a _______ or ________ fan?”
5. She moves closer.
If a woman wants you to approach her, she may actually move herself to be nearer to you. She might hang out on your side of the bar, have her friend group switch tables, dance nearer to you or in your line of sight, or take up a spot alone so you can see she’s open to be spoken to.
I’ve personally gone so far as to drag a friend of mine to take a selfie with me in front of a sign that happened to be right next to the guy I kept sneaking glances at.
6. She sets up a situation where you might run into each other.
You go to the bar, and suddenly she’s there beside you ordering a beer too. You come out of the restroom, and she’s walking toward it. You head to the dance floor, and so does she. You’re playing pool, and she keeps passing your table.
While this may be a coincidence, pay attention if there are any other signs she’s throwing off. Is she meeting your eye and smiling too? Preening?
And the #1 sign that she doesn’t want to be approached by you…
1. She’ll put something between you and her.
If you approach a woman and she immediately crosses her arms, pulls her purse in front of herself, or walks behind a chair or table, she’s clearly not interested and attempting to put some distance between the two of you.
If you see this, take heed and excuse yourself politely.
Men, I’ve heard all of the excuses: “If women always expect me to come to them, then I’d rather be single,” “If a woman’s interested in me, she can just get off her butt and come tell me,” and “Women are just too complicated. Why even bother?”
But you know who is always giving these excuses? The same guys who hire me as their Relationship Coach to help them find love because they’re tired of being single.
Let me tell you this:
What comes easy won’t last long, and what lasts long won’t come easy.
Pay attention to the signs, and quit complaining that you have to do something a little different. Just try it. You may be surprised by the results.
Superficial beauty wanes but earned attraction doesn’t
By the age of 22, I had become convinced of my unattractiveness. I was 5'7" with thinning hair and a quiet personality that often rendered me invisible. The gods who doled out attractive features apparently deemed me unworthy of their gifts.
For the rest of my third decade, I clung to that self-image. Not only did I believe it, but I also acted in a way that reinforced the belief by making myself unavailable to women.
A few brief affairs grew out of “friends first” situations, but even then, my lack of confidence and surety in my ugliness doomed our long-term prospects.
Shortly after my 30th birthday, I reinvented myself, and it happened thanks to Paula, a crazy barber who lost control of her electric clippers.
On one of my monthly visits, Paula got into a heated argument with her brother, causing her to lose focus and cut a little too much off the top. The haircut exposed my baldness to such a degree that I could no longer hide it, forcing me to dash across the street and buy one of those silly I love New York caps to hide the repulsive sight.
For two days, I barely slept, tremoring as though I were constantly over-caffeinated. But the experience forced me to forge a new sense of identity and confidence, spurring the first of seven new behaviors that enhanced my attractiveness.
Own your most embarrassing feature.
After that unfortunate haircut, I shaved my head. My confidence skyrocketed. Within weeks, my dating opportunities exploded.
After years of feeling like a pariah, women found me beautiful, glancing my way an extra second, approaching me at bars. It felt surreal as if I were inhabiting another body or had benefitted from a gift intended for someone else.
I owned my most embarrassing feature, and magically, it made me more desirable.
If you’re one of the few people who love every inch of their body, consider yourself lucky. This advice is for those who fret over a few extra pounds, receding hairline, or oddly shaped whatever.
The embarrassing imperfection you seek to hide from the world can become your defining feature. All you need to do is own it and flaunt it like you’re proud of it. Sure, some folks won’t care or notice. But many, more than you think, will find it attractive.
Be first to speak up in defense of someone else.
What do you think of people who keep quiet when they witness an injustice? Cowards, right? Now compare that to someone who speaks up. Next, compare that to the first and only person who speaks up. We become quite enamored with the latter. That’s what happened to me in eighth grade.
We had just moved to a new school district. Bullies took a liking to me, and not in a good way. I hadn’t made any friends yet, so they saw me as someone they could pick on without repercussions.
They thought wrong.
Deanna came to my defense one day, chastising the bullies as cowards. They left me alone after she interceded and never bothered me again. Deanna was a year older than me and became a teenage crush throughout high school, even though we barely spoke. She was the kind of person who would intervene when she saw an injustice, and she’d do it before anyone else.
It’s hard to pinpoint what draws us to those who rush to defend the innocent. There could be a misattribution of arousal with fear or anxiety as these are often tense situations. Whatever the reason, it’s not just the right thing to do; it makes you desirable.
Be the weird one everyone talks about.
Hannah was a twenty-something coworker, someone you’d describe as an old soul in a young body. When the rest of us geared up to go clubbing after work, she’d change into a dress and go to a jazz bar by herself.
Behind her back, we’d laugh at her. A jazz bar, seriously? Who did that anymore? But whenever she was around, every guy hovered around her like a desperate groupie trailing a rock star. Her weirdness made her seem exotic even though you would never notice her in a crowd.
Everyone has their thing, their like, their passion they keep under wraps because it cuts against the grain. We fear what the crowd will think if we expose our quirks to the world. But showing you’re unafraid to exhibit your weirdness makes you different. It makes you stand out, and that enhances your desirability.
Reveal your artsy side.
You’ve seen the cliche movie scenes: a dozen women flock to a guy who barely strings together a few guitar chords or the guys that drool over a woman who plays drums or stars in theatrical productions.
Any art form or even craft enhances your attractiveness. You don’t even have to be an expert. If you’ve got a secret book of poetry you’ve been writing since you were twelve, tell people about it. Share it. The same goes if you blow glass or carve ice castles on the weekends.
Demonstrating skill at an art form or a craft makes you interesting because it reveals something about you and how you see the world. No, not everyone will connect with it, but most folks will find it intriguing, and some might even find it attractive.
Get your sh*t together.
We like people who’ve got their shit together. But what does it mean? It’s the kind of phrase that’s hard to define, but you know it when you see it, so let’s make it a bit more practical.
People who have their shit together exude confidence and comfort when alone, even in a crowd of cliques.
People who have their shit together respect, defend, and believe in themselves.
People who have their shit together make enough money to cover their basic needs.
People who have their shit together manage their stress successfully.
People who have their shit together refrain from their worst tendencies (drinking too much, drugs, excessive worrying).
There will be times in your life when you don’t have your shit together. That’s okay. I lived that life for a decade and during that time, didn’t even want to attract others.
Act like you can learn something from everyone you meet.
When I first met Karlie, I couldn’t take my eyes off her friend, but by the end of the day, Karlie’s inquisitive nature won me over.
We met at a bar. After exchanging introductions, Karlie asked me about my job, and after struggling to explain it, she commented, “Sorry, I’m just trying to understand. This is new and exciting to me.”
Those may not have been her exact words, but she demonstrated a genuine interest, not in the contrived Dale Carnegie way, but in a manner that came across as authentic.
For many years, I tried to duplicate her magic. But whenever I tried to show genuine interest, I failed because my actions were disingenuous. Finally, years later, a sales mentor helped me connect the dots.
Here’s the takeaway.
Assume you can learn something new and interesting from every person you meet. Everyone alive on earth has a compelling story to tell, and it’s your job to discover it. When you approach it from that perspective, you make the other person feel like they matter, earning you attraction points.
Balance mystery with too much information.
Years ago, I met a woman who presented herself as mysterious. I found it intriguing and attractive. But by our third date or so, she opened up, sharing a secret. She had suffered from body issues in her teens and early twenties, which she said stemmed from her parents’ constant comparison to her beautiful sister.
It became clear from her voice and body language that sharing these details required an act of courage. Her openness demonstrated extreme vulnerability. I couldn’t help but find her more desirable.
In my experience, mystery lights the match of attractiveness but brutal honesty fans the flames. At some point, you need to solve the mystery. You can’t hold back forever. In time, the sense of intrigue wanes and transitions to caginess or suspicion — what’s he hiding from me?
Like the old cliche states: beauty fades. But attractiveness, earned through your actions, never wanes.
Maintaining Healthy Testosterone Levels,and being able toconfidently perform in the bedroom, to a level where they knew, for certain, that their woman was totally SATISFIED- Giving their womenmultiple orgasms during intercourse, every single time
- Blowing really BIG loads - the kind of HUGELY impressive LOADS that cause a woman toSCREAM with pleasure(while also experiencing maximum sensitivity, intensity and pleasure when they fire ‘The Money Shot’)
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- Low Confidence
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